I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
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