I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I am one with the molecules
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
