just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
