if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
