friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
