i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
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