so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
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im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
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She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
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