Im at strip club and am horny
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
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