I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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