are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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