My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Randomize
