so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
