Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
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