actually, I'm a sock model
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
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Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize