So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
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