I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
