Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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