im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
i just sent this text using only my big toe
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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