I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
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