Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
