my room smells like sperm. sweet.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Randomize
