If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Randomize
