sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
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