Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Randomize
