I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize