I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
I think my fart just growled at me.
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Randomize
