i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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