hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I think your dad took our porno
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Randomize
