and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
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