first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
he shaved USA in his pubs
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
