Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
