If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
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