Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Randomize
