And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
home. puking in laundry basket.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
