Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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