So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
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Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
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We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
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