Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
She needs sedatives and a leash
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Randomize
