It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Rumble strips road head = magical
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Randomize
