my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
3 2 1 whiskey
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
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