We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
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