I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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