I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I came so hard my ears popped.
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