omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
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