I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
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