the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
