"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
