Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Randomize
