you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
He told me they were just razor bumps!
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Randomize
