i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Randomize
