this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
