Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
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