Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
My butt remains clenched, sir.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
