just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
