I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
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