I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
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