you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Randomize
