Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
My balls are so social today.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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