We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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