Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
