i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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