Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
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