Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
