i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Randomize
