Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
