Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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