God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
