Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
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First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
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