Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
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