girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
The power of my boobs compel you
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
