Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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