Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
