I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
