Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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