Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Randomize
