Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Randomize
