dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
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Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
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He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Randomize