We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Randomize
