I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
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