I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
there is glitter all over my balls
that may or may not have been my penis.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
