so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
