Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
she looked like the before picture.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
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never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
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Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
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